God Has a Funny Sense of Humor

God has a funny sense of humor. At least, that's what my doctor told me. Ha ha ha, laugh it up. ;0)

I take back all those times that I thought life was unfair. I regret all the times I was sad because women were having babies faster than me, even though they were younger than me. I'm sorry I ever felt like I wanted everything to even itself out so that I could feel better. I'm embarrassed by all the times when I wondered if Heavenly Father REALLY knew what he had planned for my life or if He'd just forgotten me. I should've known better after all I've been through. There's a reason for everything. I regret so much.......because now I think life is being a little TOO fair to me. ;0)

I've had lots of emails and questions about this pregnancy, so I figured I'd answer them all in this post. As some of you are aware, we had been trying to get pregnant for almost two years. We did conceive right away at first, but then miscarried a few months later. That was over a year and a half ago, so we were feeling pretty down thinking that we'd never get pregnant again.

I had procrastinated trying Clomid because I really wanted to avoid that if possible. Plus, we aren't loaded with cash so I knew we'd only be able to afford a few months worth of it. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which, when related to fertility, causes me not to ovulate as often as I should. Rather than ovulating 12 times a year, I was ovulating more like four times a year. That makes it very hard to get pregnant, especially when it's so unpredictable. I had been taking a few medicines that were supposed to help balance out my hormones so I would ovulate, but they just hadn't been working. So after nearly two years on those medicines, I finally caved in and agreed to try Clomid.

Clomid is a drug that helps stimulate ovulation. I took oral pills to help get the eggs ready. Then when I got mid-cycle, I received a shot to help release the egg. Before I got the shot, the doctor did an ultrasound and told me that I did have two eggs that were ripe enough to be released. We crossed our fingers that everything would work out just fine. And so it did.

I found out I was pregnant during Thanksgiving weekend. We were so excited, but also a little hesitant to believe it, too. It seemed too good to be true that we'd be so lucky to conceive on our first round of Clomid. I have so many friends who were on Clomid for months and it never worked. Sure enough though, I took two more tests several days later and they were all positive. I was thrilled.

Since I've had pregnancy problems in the past, and since I have PCOS, my doctor wanted to see me at 6 weeks just to do an ultrasound and make sure everything was going okay. So early December, I went to the ultrasound technician so she could do my ultrasound. She looked and said, "Wow, there's two in there."

She had to look pretty hard for the second one, but it was definitely there. It's funny because Daniel was a little late getting to the appointment. He wasn't there when I first found out there were two. He came in a few minutes later and the first thing he did was say, "Now there's not two in there right?" and he laughed jokingly to himself. The ultrasound tech said, "Actually, there are." Daniel froze. It was so funny! He was dumbfounded.

So for a week we were in shock. We could hardly believe there were two in there! We were excited and overwhelmed and shocked and nervous. Visions of buying (and changing) double diapers and many countless sleepless nights raced through our heads. We were worried.

Then a week later we met with the doctor. He said that he wasn't really sure if there were two in there or not. He did an ultrasound and said, "Nope, there's just one." I told the doctor that the ultrasound tech had to look pretty hard for the second one. He said, "No, I'm sure. There's only one. Sometimes the machine can give off an echo and make it look like two." I assumed he knew what he was talking about. Plus, he was SO sure of himself.

We breathed a huge sigh of relief and felt a lot more confident about carrying just one baby to term.

Over Christmas, we announced to our families that we were pregnant. They were all so excited for us. I think a lot of prayers were said on our behalf that we'd be blessed with a baby. Come to think of it, maybe we had TOO many people praying for us . . . ;0)

At our next appointment the doctor did another ultrasound. As soon as the screen popped up he said, "Oh, wow. I'm going to have to eat a huge slice of humble pie right now. There's DEFINITELY two in there!" I think I said, "Oh, no! Don't tell me that!" Ha ha ha. It's not that I'm NOT thankful for twins, because I am. What an amazing blessing. However, being pregnant with twins doubles my worries. Now I worry about preterm labor and I worry if my body can successfully carry TWO babies to term. It seems like I'm asking too much now to try and get two babies here safely. It seems like too much to ask.

And remember that my sweet son, Parker, made it full-term and then died unexpectedly, without any reason. Part of me worries that maybe my body just couldn't sustain him to term. My doctor delivered Hayley a few weeks early because he was worried that my body couldn't carry her to 40 weeks. He didn't want to chance it. And since there is no known reason why my son died, my doctor just wants to be safe.

Knowing that, you can see why I worry about my body being able to carry twins. I know it can happen and that I really can have two healthy babies, but I still have worries in the back of my mind. It makes it twice as scary. I try not to think about it too much though. I am trying to stay positive and optimistic. I will take everything one day at a time and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep my babies healthy.

Both babies are measuring perfect and have nice, strong heartbeats. That's all we can ask for at this point.

We are very excited and feel incredibly blessed to be having twins. We are a little worried about how we'll afford twins and how we'll fit them (and all their stuff) into our house, but we know it will all work out. I believe that there is a reason behind everything that happens. The Lord will provide a way.

As far as how I've been feeling, I'm sure you can guess. I've been twice as nauseous, twice as hungry, and I've been feeling twice as big. I go to the restroom twice as often and I am tired all the time. I am doing my best to take it easy. I'm hoping to avoid bed rest, but I know there's a strong possibility that it could come up during this pregnancy. I'm just hoping I can do whatever it takes to keep this kiddos healthy and inside of me for as long as possible.

Thank you all for all of your prayers and support. We are so excited that it's finally our time to have a baby.....I mean, TWO babies (I'm still kind of in shock about it). We feel so grateful and we can't wait to meet our little ones.

So I think God does have a sense of humor, even if it isn't always immediately funny to us (although it was pretty funny to see my doctor make fun of himself for being wrong). But more than that, I think God has a huge sense of timing and a huge sense of love. It's amazing how His plan is so much better than the one I would have made for myself. Although His plan includes hardships, tears, and pain, it also includes more learning and love and blessings than I ever could have imagined for myself. Thank you, Father. Thank you for being a hundred million gazillion times infinity smarter than me. Thank you for life, and thank you for loving me.

Now bring on the twins!!!